kaizouman http://www.kaizou.org Inserts windows quotes for the "Windows" pattern. Most quotes were taken from http://www.llywelyn.net/docs/quotes/unix.html. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microsoft_Windows http://* //text() Windows I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou.-- Paul Tomblin I may have invented it, but Bill (Gates) made it famous.-- David Bradley (inventor of the CtrlAltDel keystroke combination) I was going to compile a list of innovations that could be attributed to Microsoft. Once I realized that Ctrl-Alt-Del was handled in the BIOS, I found that there aren't any.-- Richard B. Johnson If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming, and Windows.-- Dave Barry In most countries selling harmful things like drugs is punishable. Then how come people can sell Microsoft software and go unpunished?-- Hasse Skrifvars It seems the only aspect of Microsoft NT which scales well is the price. Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips." Now if Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed.... Oh. He does. People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows. So it is that Microsoft, by refusing to secure almost half of its installed desktop base, is trying to force ... customers to upgrade to XP. I guess since Microsoft can no longer offer the carrot of Longhorn, it's now using the whip of poor security.-- Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols That's what I love about GUIs: They make simple tasks easier, and complex tasks impossible.-- John William Chambless The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX. The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency.-- Bill Gates The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.-- Douglas Adams The nice thing about Windows is -- It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.-- Arno Schaefer The only thing Microsoft has done for society is make people believe that computers are inherently unreliable.-- Bradford L. Barrett The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English, because then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine dollars for the right to speak it.-- Scott McNealy The WWW is exciting because Microsoft doesn't own it, and therefore, there's a tremendous amount of innovation happening.-- Steve Jobs There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features.-- James Coates This summer Microsoft is going to introduce the first portable toilet with Internet access. You know why it's the first? Because nobody wants a toilet with Internet access. What is that? Is that really the future? Remember, we thought it would be flying cars, now it's an outhouse you can plug in.-- Jay Leno Too many "innovators", especially in the U.S., are resting on their laurels collecting government monopoly profits. At least Microsoft got their monopolies with good old-fashioned misleading marketing, channel strong-arm tactics, and predatory pricing. They worked for it!-- Geoff Parker Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows (also known as the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly).-- Matt Welsh We think our software is far more secure than open-source software. It is more secure because we stand behind it, we fixed it, because we built it. Nobody ever knows who built open-source software.-- Steve Ballmer We're obviously going to spend a lot in marketing because we think the product sells itself.-- Jim Allchin, Microsoft executive When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*".-- Linus Torvalds Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? Windows had detected you do not have a keyboard. Press 'F9" to continue. Windows supports general-purpose non-Microsoft applications in the same way that a rope can be said to support someone who will be soon hanged. -- Jeff Holtzman Windows XP -now comes with free anger management courses.